FATHERS.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, please tell me I will never be this bald.

There's something about fathers that can shape a boy's understanding of masculinity. To some sons, a man is a buck-shootin', beer-drinkin', blue-collar type-a-fella. To others, a man is a Benz-driving, business-running, tax-evading baller. And to an unfortunately large portion of our population, a man bounces before his son is even born.

My concept of masculinity stems from one powerful piece of fatherly advice – "Always be the master of your own mind." My dad didn't care if I was wrestling a bear with my bare hands or swapping stocks like the E-Trade baby. What mattered was whether I was acting on my own accord or because someone told me what to do. (Chores excluded.) So how did my dad (and mom) make sure I was cognitively in control?

I wish my ads made me this happy.

1.) No church for you!

Now before you burn me at the stake and accuse my parents of being heretics, allow me to explain. My mom and dad aren't atheists. As a matter of fact, my dad is the son of preacher man (Yes he was, he was, ooh, he was), but after spending most of his youth playing hide-and-seek in pews, he found that Jesus was the least judgmental person in the chapel.

I saw this for myself during a childhood playdate, when my "friend's" mom unexpectedly asked me what church I belong to. After answering, "I don't," I didn't receive another invitation or PB&J sandwich from their family ever again. Even as a primary schooler, I could see that church is a breeding ground for bigotry and conformity.

Gospel or gossip?

2.) Censorship is BULL#*%^!

How old were you when you saw your first R-rated movie? (And I'm not talking about some edited, bleep-ridden rerun on TNT.) For me it was the mature age of 7, and the film was a murder mystery called Rising Sun, starring Sean Connery and Wesley Snipes. According to the MPAA, Rising Sun is rated "R" for sex and nudity, violence and gore, profanity and frightening/intense scenes including a fatal car crash and a rape/homicide. So why expose a 7-year-old to such heavy subject matter?

My dad believed in the "scared straight" method when it came to sex, drugs and violence. Rather than blinding my brother and I from the mature side of life, he would take us to R-rated movies. Afterwards, he would thoroughly explain what we had just seen on the screen. Say what you will about this controversial reality check, but watching Uma Thurman overdose on heroin (Pulp Fiction reference) was a lot more effective than Daren the D.A.R.E. Lion.

I dare you to watch this without doing drugs first. (Side note: Churches could learn a thing or two from Daren.)

3.) "What did/do you think?"

Whether it was a movie, dinner, family vacation or bowel movement (just kidding), my dad would force me to formulate an opinion before sharing his. This, even more so than religious freedom and R-rated movies, gave me the keys to my mental development. (It might also explain why it takes me 30 minutes to pick a toothpaste, but that's the price you sometimes pay for making your own decisions.)

Although that constant introspection resulted in a lot of tears during my teenage years, it spawned the pensive, self-deprecating writer you're currently enjoying (I hope). Pouring your heart into a blog post may not seem as masculine as pouring a pitcher of beer down your throat (conventionally speaking), but choosing to publish your thoughts in spite of other people's opinions takes some serious cojones. Or at least I think it does. And according to my dad, that's what it means to be a man.