LENGTH.

To quote Neil Armstrong?

There's something about length that can turn the most mild-mannered gentleman into the next Norman Bates. Whether it's penile insecurity, long waiting lines or the relentless pursuit of cardiac arrest (I'm looking at you, Pheidippides (Google it)) men go absolutely PSYCHO (Get it now? Norman Bates?) over matters of length.

One of my regular readers, who shall remain nameless (but pictured below), ignited my longitudinal anxiety by suggesting that my posts may be a little too lengthy in both size and required reading time. I had always hoped my first accusation of being and lasting too long would be under sexier circumstances, but this cherished friend got me thinking, "Maybe my posts ARE a bit verbose?" 

I'm a little too long for this lady. (That's not what that straw said.)

To humor this nameless childhood friend (who will HOPEFULLY understand that this is all in good fun and not hold the use of her likeness against me), and to see if I can't get a few more followers (Eric's getting lonely), I'm going to refrain from writing another novella and leave this post a little shorter than normal. If the girth of my words was your gripe, let it be known in the comment section below so I can close the case of my missing readership. OR, better yet, suggest a new fan generating tactic for next week's entry.

And I can't legally say what I'll do for followers.