ROGER FEDERER.

There's something about Roger Federer that's like an instruction manual for mastering life. From his career on the tennis courts to his debonair day-to-day life, this man has achieved a level of success that would make John McEnroe break a racket over his knee. Leave it to me to dedicate an entire post to my iconic birth-mate (8/8/##). 

Still seeking a publisher. Any takers?

Introduction

Why am I so infatuated with this guy (God)? It's not because he has single-handedly rewritten the ATP record books. It's not because he defriended Tiger after he put his woods in more holes than a golf course. It's not because he is beloved on almost every continent on the face of the Earth (Antarctic penguins just don't get tennis). It's the fact that he embodies ALL of those qualities. Without an idol like Roger Federer, who knows where I'd be? (Mom's couch?) The following chapters describe the ways in which this tennis legend has altered the course of my existence.

Chapter One: How To Choose A Career

What's that, little guy? You're going to be the greatest tennis player of all times!? Kids say the darndest things.

You know how (public school) guidance counselors used to apathetically advise you to "do what you love" for a living? Well, guess who took that advice to heart? Since the age of eight, this little piece of Switz has been hell-bent on becoming the #1 tennis player in the world. If only I knew how to read and write at that age? Just kidding! I knew how, but the only things I read at eight were potato chip bags and candy wrappers, and the only thing I wrote was "Chips & Candy" on my mom's grocery list. 

Chapter Two: How To Select Your Spouse

What is this, senior prom?

In the same way he resurrected traditional tennis (Sorry, Andy Roddick), Federer has brought chivalry back to holy matrimony. As much as I love the Federer(s), my initial reaction when I saw Mirka was similar to Michael Bluth's when he first met Ann, "Her?" (Arrested Development reference) By no means is Mirka an unattractive lady, but she's no Sports Illustrated swimsuit model either (Kudos, Andy Roddick). Regardless, Roger and Mirka have been together since they met while playing tennis for Switzerland at the Sydney Olympics. They may have let down their country, but they won a soul-mate. (Put that on a movie poster.) Quite a change from the celebrity divorces that keep People Magazine in business. 

 Chapter Three: How To Pick Your Friends

LEFT TO RIGHT: The Rossdales, The SECOND Greatest Tennis Player of All Times, The Devil (Who) Wears Prada 

They say you can tell a lot about a man by the company he keeps. So who does Federer fill his friends & family box with when a major rolls around? Oh, you know, just a couple of multi-platinum musicians, the editor of the most influential fashion magazine in the world and his teenage tennis idol. Federer's entourage isn't full of a bunch of worthless lackeys like Turtle and Drama. (Get it? Entourage?) He surrounds himself with the kind of individuals you'd find on the Time 100. (Until that individual uses his "driver" to rough up the turf of a ridiculous number of porn stars and cocktail waitresses.) 

Chapter Four: How To Leave A Legacy
 

 

There's an entire Wikipedia page dedicated to his career accomplishments (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_career_achievements_by_Roger_Federer), so I'm not even going to touch on what he's done for the sport of tennis. This chapter (paragraph) is dedicated to his lesser known contributions to the world. For starters, there's the Roger Federer Foundation, which has provided education and athletic facilities to over 43,000 underprivileged Africans (Redundant?). Then there's the Feder-Bear. Not only does this little guy make a wonderful travel companion (read my previous post), but 100% of the proceeds from this philanthropic plush have gone to UNICEF since Federer was named its Goodwill Ambassador in 2006. And last but not least (to me), he has inspired a 25-year-old manboy to follow his dreams. (And what a great time to pursue the publishing industry!)

Epilogue

Even if he fails to win another major title for the rest of his tennis career (AFTER he triumphs at this year's US Open), I will ALWAYS revere Roger Federer for his contributions to tennis, to the planet and to my wardrobe.

Good luck today, birth-mate! I'll be watching you! (Did that come off a little creepy?)

Feel free to humor me by identifying your blog-worthy idols in the comment section below?